When I first started blogging back in college, a guy friend of mine told me no one was ever going to want to date me because they'd be too afraid I was going to write about them. "No one wants to date Taylor Swift because they're worried she's going to write a song about their breakup" he said. (Keep in mind that this was 2011, not long after "Dear John" came out. Obviously, she's been doing OK for herself since then).
Personally, I found this offensive. Partly because I want to date Taylor Swift and find anyone who doesn't to be insane, but also because he was insinuating that if I were to keep doing what I was having soooooo much fun doing (as in, making out with boys and then writing about it on the internet), I was going to die alone.
What would be the point of all of the hookup horror stories I've experienced in my lifetime if I couldn't make fun of them? The fact that I happen to do it publicly, and that other people laugh at them too, just makes it all the more worth it. (Side note: readership is up to almost 8,000! Thank you to my loyal viewers in Ukraine, and to all of the girls in Georgetown's class of 2015)
So, despite the rude advice, I kept writing about boys and have decided to try to make a career out of it (at least until I get my degree and go on to write about more important stuff, like fashion). Still, though, it gets me into some sticky situations.
When I first started seeing my most recent fling, I begged him not to read anything I'd put on the internet. I didn't think it would be fair for him to essentially get a cheat sheet on all of my dating tricks and past relationships before I was ready to tell him about them myself. After a few months, when he had finally seen enough of my "crazy" first hand, I conceded and sent him the link. Things were totally fine (he got a little annoyed once when I referred to "the most boring guy I ever dated" and he thought I was talking about him... I wasn't, and it was awkward.) until he saw this post about another guy I'd gone on a first date with while we were together. Let it be known: we weren't exclusive, so it was totally kosher, and it was too good of a story not to tell.
The problem wasn't really that I was dating other people — like I said, that was totally allowed — but rather that he was able to read all the dirty (literally SO dirty) details of it online. It wasn't something I would have ever told him in person (when it comes to dating around, I personally think a "don't ask, don't tell" policy is best) so it was a little uncomfortable that he was privy to the information. Things ended shortly after that (it actually may have been the same day), and even though it wasn't totally about the blog post, it definitely didn't help.
As far as exes go, I've certainly written about them before (I literally just did it) but I would never, ever use their names or paint them in an unflattering light. Unless, of course, they wronged me; then I would slander the hell out of them and take out an Ad on Facebook (kidding— if that were actually the case there would have been a lot of LifeOfZo ads on your newsfeed this year). Most of the time, I ask their permission (except for the guy I just mentioned, because we're no longer speaking*), and if I'm dating someone new I would neverrrrrrr put it on the internet. That would be embarrassing and make me look insane.
Still, though, my friend from college was right: people get nervous about it.
The other night, when I told a a guy I was talking to on Bumble that I was a writer, he asked if I was using the app for the sake of "research." Considering I was using the app to find, at the very least, Thursday night drinks plans (and at the most, the love of my life and future father of my children) I thought it was a pretty rude question. I made some joke about how Columbia University was actually sponsoring me to test out dating apps, and he promptly told me he "had a reputation to protect" and stopped responding.
So, if I'm being totally honest: dating as a dating blogger, in a nutshell, kind of sucks.
But here's the thing: I'm not going to stop writing about my relationships. Given my luck, they're always rampant with good stories, like this one about my ex and I getting arrested together or this one about the time my other ex accidentally gashed my face open, and at 24, dating is a huge part of my life. Plus, when you consider that I had my first full blown boyfriend at age 9 and we had our first kiss in the row behind my mom watching Pearl Harbor, I've always been a little boy crazy. I guess I just need to find someone who's cool with it, or someone I have such a perfect and amazing relationship with that it isn't even worth writing about.
Can someone find one of these guys and set us up? Thanks.
If any of my ex-boyfriends would like to write a response to this, about what it's like TO date someone who blogs about dating, message me. There certainly are a lot of you, and I'd love to hear the feedback.
*If you're reading this, can I have my shoes back?
Personally, I found this offensive. Partly because I want to date Taylor Swift and find anyone who doesn't to be insane, but also because he was insinuating that if I were to keep doing what I was having soooooo much fun doing (as in, making out with boys and then writing about it on the internet), I was going to die alone.
 |
| Me, doin me, until I can find a man who can handle me (eh not really, I just love this picture.) |
So, despite the rude advice, I kept writing about boys and have decided to try to make a career out of it (at least until I get my degree and go on to write about more important stuff, like fashion). Still, though, it gets me into some sticky situations.
When I first started seeing my most recent fling, I begged him not to read anything I'd put on the internet. I didn't think it would be fair for him to essentially get a cheat sheet on all of my dating tricks and past relationships before I was ready to tell him about them myself. After a few months, when he had finally seen enough of my "crazy" first hand, I conceded and sent him the link. Things were totally fine (he got a little annoyed once when I referred to "the most boring guy I ever dated" and he thought I was talking about him... I wasn't, and it was awkward.) until he saw this post about another guy I'd gone on a first date with while we were together. Let it be known: we weren't exclusive, so it was totally kosher, and it was too good of a story not to tell.
The problem wasn't really that I was dating other people — like I said, that was totally allowed — but rather that he was able to read all the dirty (literally SO dirty) details of it online. It wasn't something I would have ever told him in person (when it comes to dating around, I personally think a "don't ask, don't tell" policy is best) so it was a little uncomfortable that he was privy to the information. Things ended shortly after that (it actually may have been the same day), and even though it wasn't totally about the blog post, it definitely didn't help.
As far as exes go, I've certainly written about them before (I literally just did it) but I would never, ever use their names or paint them in an unflattering light. Unless, of course, they wronged me; then I would slander the hell out of them and take out an Ad on Facebook (kidding— if that were actually the case there would have been a lot of LifeOfZo ads on your newsfeed this year). Most of the time, I ask their permission (except for the guy I just mentioned, because we're no longer speaking*), and if I'm dating someone new I would neverrrrrrr put it on the internet. That would be embarrassing and make me look insane.
Still, though, my friend from college was right: people get nervous about it.
The other night, when I told a a guy I was talking to on Bumble that I was a writer, he asked if I was using the app for the sake of "research." Considering I was using the app to find, at the very least, Thursday night drinks plans (and at the most, the love of my life and future father of my children) I thought it was a pretty rude question. I made some joke about how Columbia University was actually sponsoring me to test out dating apps, and he promptly told me he "had a reputation to protect" and stopped responding.
So, if I'm being totally honest: dating as a dating blogger, in a nutshell, kind of sucks.
But here's the thing: I'm not going to stop writing about my relationships. Given my luck, they're always rampant with good stories, like this one about my ex and I getting arrested together or this one about the time my other ex accidentally gashed my face open, and at 24, dating is a huge part of my life. Plus, when you consider that I had my first full blown boyfriend at age 9 and we had our first kiss in the row behind my mom watching Pearl Harbor, I've always been a little boy crazy. I guess I just need to find someone who's cool with it, or someone I have such a perfect and amazing relationship with that it isn't even worth writing about.
Can someone find one of these guys and set us up? Thanks.
If any of my ex-boyfriends would like to write a response to this, about what it's like TO date someone who blogs about dating, message me. There certainly are a lot of you, and I'd love to hear the feedback.
*If you're reading this, can I have my shoes back?
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