If I've learned ONE thing so far in journalism school, it's how to investigate. It has made me curious as hell (I'm a huge pain in the ass to have a conversation with — I Google everything) and when there is a question, I absolutely need to have the right answer. I've become an expert researcher, and can get to the bottom of pretty much anything.
This skill has come in handy in my schoolwork, but until today I didn't recognize its importance in real life — that is, until I needed to use it to get a date.
Let me explain.
This morning on the 1 Train, I was seated across from the absolute hottest guy I have ever seen. I can't even describe him in a way that would do his hotness justice.
Of course, I was coming straight from the gym with sopping wet hair, and in my 6am sprint out of the house forgot to bring a bra, so I wasn't exactly looking my best. I was too nervous to sit near him, so I sat three seats down, then got even more nervous so got up and tripped my way into the seat directly across from him. It was super graceful, don't worry.
For the next 15 minutes, I stared him down while he quietly read his book. I even went so far as to take off my headphones in the least subtle way possible (they're HUGE and make me look like the Napster guy form 2002) just in case he noticed me looking at him hungrily and decided he wanted to chat.
Weirdly, he didn't.
To make things as creepy as possible (except not, because it gets worse. Just wait.) I took a discrete picture of him, figuring I could submit it to HotDudesReading or use it on my "Missed Connections" post on Craigslist.
After exchanging zero words and one moment of uncomfortable eye contact, he got off the train at Times Square. I chased him for a little, but lost him before I could say hello (which was probably for the best, considering I had no plan of what I would say to him if I ever caught up to him, panting like a madwoman).
Saddened by the fact that he'd gotten away, I went onto @hotdudesreading (which, if you're not familiar with, is the best Instagram account on the planet) to figure out how I could submit my creepy stalker pic to their site in the hopes that he would see it and track me down and marry me. Realistic, don't you think?
I got distracted by the hotdudesreading and started scrolling the feed, and lo and behold THERE WAS MY NEW SUBWAY CRUSH.
Like any good investigator, I decided I had to find him and this was my chance.
This is where the real A+ detective work comes into play:
I spent 20 minutes scrolling through the comments (yes, there were a lot) trying to see if someone had tagged him. As luck would have it, someone did!
This brought me to his Instagram page, which gave me his real name which allowed me to find him on LinkedIn within seconds (he didn't have a Facebook, which made him even more desirable).
I enlisted the help of my friends, and by 9:06am (exactly 26 minutes after getting off the train) I had his work email and phone number — 2015 is a scary time to be alive.
At this point, I was kind of stuck. I couldn't exactly e-mail him out of the blue, considering we were strangers and I had spent a large portion of my morning stalking him to the ends of the earth, so I picked arguably the creepiest means of communication in existence (normally reserved for girls with handles like @bigb00tybitch and @sweetluvin69) and Direct Messaged him on Instagram:
I mean, LOOK at this guy. He's without a doubt the hottest person I've ever seen— in real life or on TV. This picture doesn't even do him justice. I also think my message was really well crafted: as un-creepy as possible, given the circumstances, and for the first time in a long time I didn't have to lie about having read a book I was talking about.
HE ACTUALLY RESPONDED TO ME!!!!
As if his hotness wasn't enough to make me swoon, he literally turned out to be the nicest guy on the planet. I did some recon, though (because I'm a journalist and that's what I do) and his girlfriend looks like she's pretty cool, but I can't decide if that makes me feel better or worse about him being the one that got away, especially after all that hard work.
The good news is, if things don't workout between them, he knows where to find me. You say psycho, I say resourceful.
This skill has come in handy in my schoolwork, but until today I didn't recognize its importance in real life — that is, until I needed to use it to get a date.
Let me explain.
This morning on the 1 Train, I was seated across from the absolute hottest guy I have ever seen. I can't even describe him in a way that would do his hotness justice.
Of course, I was coming straight from the gym with sopping wet hair, and in my 6am sprint out of the house forgot to bring a bra, so I wasn't exactly looking my best. I was too nervous to sit near him, so I sat three seats down, then got even more nervous so got up and tripped my way into the seat directly across from him. It was super graceful, don't worry.
For the next 15 minutes, I stared him down while he quietly read his book. I even went so far as to take off my headphones in the least subtle way possible (they're HUGE and make me look like the Napster guy form 2002) just in case he noticed me looking at him hungrily and decided he wanted to chat.
Weirdly, he didn't.
To make things as creepy as possible (except not, because it gets worse. Just wait.) I took a discrete picture of him, figuring I could submit it to HotDudesReading or use it on my "Missed Connections" post on Craigslist.
After exchanging zero words and one moment of uncomfortable eye contact, he got off the train at Times Square. I chased him for a little, but lost him before I could say hello (which was probably for the best, considering I had no plan of what I would say to him if I ever caught up to him, panting like a madwoman).
Saddened by the fact that he'd gotten away, I went onto @hotdudesreading (which, if you're not familiar with, is the best Instagram account on the planet) to figure out how I could submit my creepy stalker pic to their site in the hopes that he would see it and track me down and marry me. Realistic, don't you think?
I got distracted by the hotdudesreading and started scrolling the feed, and lo and behold THERE WAS MY NEW SUBWAY CRUSH.
Like any good investigator, I decided I had to find him and this was my chance.
This is where the real A+ detective work comes into play:
I spent 20 minutes scrolling through the comments (yes, there were a lot) trying to see if someone had tagged him. As luck would have it, someone did!
This brought me to his Instagram page, which gave me his real name which allowed me to find him on LinkedIn within seconds (he didn't have a Facebook, which made him even more desirable).
I enlisted the help of my friends, and by 9:06am (exactly 26 minutes after getting off the train) I had his work email and phone number — 2015 is a scary time to be alive.
At this point, I was kind of stuck. I couldn't exactly e-mail him out of the blue, considering we were strangers and I had spent a large portion of my morning stalking him to the ends of the earth, so I picked arguably the creepiest means of communication in existence (normally reserved for girls with handles like @bigb00tybitch and @sweetluvin69) and Direct Messaged him on Instagram:
I mean, LOOK at this guy. He's without a doubt the hottest person I've ever seen— in real life or on TV. This picture doesn't even do him justice. I also think my message was really well crafted: as un-creepy as possible, given the circumstances, and for the first time in a long time I didn't have to lie about having read a book I was talking about.
HE ACTUALLY RESPONDED TO ME!!!!
As if his hotness wasn't enough to make me swoon, he literally turned out to be the nicest guy on the planet. I did some recon, though (because I'm a journalist and that's what I do) and his girlfriend looks like she's pretty cool, but I can't decide if that makes me feel better or worse about him being the one that got away, especially after all that hard work.
The good news is, if things don't workout between them, he knows where to find me. You say psycho, I say resourceful.
This made my day. Not just because it's funny and you're confident (or crazy enough) to admit the heights you will take your stalking too, but because the hot dude reading is my cousin. You really should meet my office manager. Pretty sure you two would be friends because you ladies have elevated your stalking game to a whole new level.
ReplyDeleteI think the title could be changed to "My Stalker Tendencies Have Turned Me Into A Blogger" also I think there's actually an app for that "Lost and Found" you might wanna check that out.
ReplyDelete