GO BOATS #FTW

One of the best things about Copenhagen is that there are NO rules. You can drink anywhere you want, legally buy pot, and leave your damn baby unattended on the street. It is LAWLESS and I love it. 

It is for this reason that GO BOATS are able to exist. Alix stumbled upon the website pretty much by accident, and when we got to Denmark it was the only thing that we all agreed we had to do (that didn't involve eating street hotdogs or 7/11 croissants). The boats cost like, $50 an hour to rent, and you drive them around the Copenhagen harbor yourself, TOTALLY unsupervised. It seats eight people with a picnic table in the middle, and it's BYOB.

I stole this from their website.

We spent most of the day leading up to the GO BOATS searching for Viking hats to wear while we steered our ship. We weren't quite sure if we were being horribly culturally insensitive in our mission, but thought that the hats would make for cute Instagram photos so we soldiered on.

Alix's friends from LA, who had casually run the marathon that morning (genuinely the most casual thing I have ever witnessed- they landed the night before, split a cheese pizza, slept for 3 hours and crushed a marathon the next morning) met us at the marina for our adventure. 

The tutorial process was minimal at best. "This is forward, this is backward, this is left, this is right. Just follow the map," said a cute Danish man in a thick accent while pointing to nothing.

"Sounds good!" Alix and I confirmed- she was the driver, I was in charge of navigation. 

#captainzo

We set off down the river with no idea where we were going, and I proclaimed myself the tour guide (so I got to wear the Viking Hat) and made up fun facts about monuments I knew nothing about along the way. We were supposed to do a loop around the harbor that would get us back to the marina in an hour. 

As tends to be the case when I'm in charge, that is not what happened. 

Things were going great for the first half an hour (Or in my case, the first two beers) until I stopped paying attention to the directions. I got really into wearing the Viking hat and waving the Danish flag, and we were getting a lot of attention from the other boats in the harbor. I was waving to them like I was Miss America, and they were all cheering. Collectively, we got distracted by a boat full of loud, topless girls (they were in bikini bottoms, we were in ski parkas– the whole thing was REALLY confusing) and took a wrong turn along the way. We ended up in a full blownswamp behind Christiania (which is the the hippie community where everyone goes to buy pot) next to a boat of men who looked straight out of Deliverance. The driver was literally covered in soot. We had to go through a bizarre series of booby traps, only to realize we had hit a dead end and had to turn around. Shout out to Alix for her supreme driving skills in this awful situation, especially because it was my fault for getting us lost in the first place.

On our way out of the swamp, we found a group of old men shamelessly skinny dipping. 

When we thought we were in the clear, it seemed like prime time to whip out the Viking hat and do a photo shoot. When it was Alix's turn to pose, I took over the driving. 

Big mistake. A HUGE tour boat pulled up behind us in the teeny, tiny canal. Our boat only went 5 knots and hour, and there was no way to pull over or turn around. boat, FILLED with people and two pissed off looking tour guides (who had all watched our entire photo shoot), was gaining on us to the point where we genuinely thought it was going to run us over. Naturally, I took a selfie: 

They could very clearly see me doing this.

Luckily, Alix (shout out again for her driving skills) somehow pulled over to the point where they could pass and all was ok. 

At this point, it was 9pm and we were an hour and a half late to return our boat– whoops! When we finally made it back, the Danish Go Boat Lady was not pleased and tried to charge us an extra $100 and refused to help us park the boat. She also saw me with the Viking hat on, which wasn't great. 

The good news is, we got a lot of cute pictures!

The Three Baddest Bitches in the CPH Canal